Insider knowledge: A brief guide to hotel etiquette

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Want to send your companion into a flustered, confused rage?

Keep being disorganised. By all means, treat your life like a messy teenager's bedroom that will never get cleaned. Don't plan. Keep things 'spontaneous' because you're the embodiment of Peter Pan, burst to life with a corporate job, sans your tight green leggings.

But if you're reading this, you're likely a man or woman with a bit more self awareness, with an appreciation for a considered approach to all that you do. You understand that fantasies don't just unfold - they require planning, communication and consent.

You are my favourite people. Yes, I have a hierarchy when it comes to affection and respect.

One thing that gets a companion seething is a lack of hotel etiquette and organisation.

What some gentlemen and ladies mightn't realise is that there's mental effort and logistics involved to ensure the evening runs smoothly. There's nothing more jarring than an avoidable situation spoiling your rendezvous, and cutting into your time together.

Whether you're new to companionship or feel like you could benefit from some sage advice, this post is designed to help you not just book a hotel, but ensure everything's in place for you both to relax and luxuriate in each other's company.

 

1. Find a hotel that allows for discreet liaisons

Don't book that cheap hotel on a quiet suburban street if you're wary of a few raised eyebrows. If discreetness is your MO, you'll want to look for:

  • A central CBD location where foot traffic is high;
  • A hotel with lifts located away from the lobby and reception;
  • A lift that doesn't require access via a swipe card, unless you're comfortable meeting your companion in the lobby.

2. Give explicit directions and information

Nothing drives a companion crazier than having to figure out how to get to your room. Be sure to provide the following information in a text message the moment you check in (and let them know when you're checking in!):

  • If it's not a popular hotel, what's landmarks are close by (cafes next door, etc);
  • Where the entrance to the hotel is;
  • Where the lifts are located;
  • If you need to come down and get your companion, and what you'll be wearing so they know it's you;
  • If not, what level your room is on;
  • How far down the corridor your room is so they don't get lost in a huge hotel.

 

3. Indulge in some sweet bar snacks and wine

Your minibar is stocked for a reason, compadre. Offer your special guest a refreshment - this evening is about indulgence!

 

The key here is to be as organised as possible and keep communication lines open. Do this, and you'll ensure that your precious, unsalvageable time is spent with each other - rather than figuring out how your companion got lost, or directing them across the street from the wrong hotel.

The night is young - ensure you spend your beautiful time precisely how you both desire.