Your age is not important
“Will you see me? I’m x years old. Hope that’s not a problem.”
Mr C. is sweetly self-conscious. He could be 24-years-old. He could be 34-years-old. He could be 64-years-old. His age is entirely irrelevant to my article, because Mr C. is actually not a person, but a conglomerate of multiple people who contact me and express anxiety about their age and physical appearance.
They are too old, too young, too this, too that. They haven’t been to the gym in months, or maybe they shaved this morning and didn’t do a very good job and they hope to god that’s ok with me. They want to make sure that I like them, that they’re valued and that there’s a mutual attraction. All completely natural desires when it comes to an intimate encounter.
And I’ve been there, and I empathise with their anxiety. I’ve been the oldest person in the room, trying to appear as though I too have my finger on the pulse of the cultural zeitgeist. I’ve been the youngest in the room, trying desperately to prove that why yes, I was born before Y2K and my musical interests span from Grimes to Billy Holiday. Sometimes, I indulge in a bit of ABBA karaoke in the shower.
I’ve also been invisible in a room, the smallest tadpole in a pond of career-driven sharks who were far more experienced than I. It’s humbling to be in the presence of those streaks ahead of you in terms of attractiveness, intelligence and wealth. It’s also terrifying, comparing yourself to perceived brilliance.
We are all made vulnerable at some point, but…
Vulnerability is something to be celebrated.
If there’s anything I’ve learned as a student, as a career woman, as a girlfriend, a friend, and as an escort in Melbourne, ruminating on our vulnerabilities results in muscular atrophy. Our emotional resilience begins to decline if we continually pick at our wounds, our anxieties, and our body hang ups.
You have value beyond your biology. If you greet anyone in life – not just a companion – with kindness, respect and consideration, you’ll likely be met with the same response. And that’s where your value lies: in how you show up and give your time, attention and energy. And if I’m being honest, how you give orgasms.
So no, I don’t care how old you are. Can we change the subject now?