Authentic intimacy: futile quest or worthwhile pursuit?


You’ve read the profiles and ads before.

“An authentic experience.”

“An authentic GFE to remember.”

“Genuine passion.”

Just as we choose our travel destinations, it seems that our journey into unbridled lust is approached with just as much discernment and scrutiny. For some (but certainly not all) a rendezvous with a desirable companion isn’t merely a quick release that leaves the body quivering and covered with a sheen of sweat. 

Certainly not.

Do you seek a blissful holiday from the daily grind? Or an escape that’s truly cerebral and fodder for future daydreams?

Perhaps you’re nodding along, remembering the times you’ve danced with your own personal erotic priestess, enraptured by a perceived untainted quality of shared passion.

It’s true, we seek memories and experiences that are truly tailored to our needs and feel as though they are made for US, but what does ‘authentic’ mean in the realm of bounded passion and pleasure?

When is sex and intimacy less authentic, verging on the boundaries of mechanical and manufactured?


Authentic passion – marketing spin or genuine phenomena?

It’s true – my own ads allude to an air of natural passion, personality and sexual energy. 

So is it true? Am I naturally passionate? Can passion be unnatural? Are escorts hiding their true selves under a veneer of hair extensions and lip fillers? 

And if the answers are yes to all of these questions, what are the red flags of engineered passion, or a false personality, or of mimicked sexual energy?

First, let’s talk about what passion actually is. For the purposes of this post, I want to lean away from the biblical definition, and explore passion as a particularly strong emotion. Passion reflects a distinct and audacious desire, enthusiasm and drive. In its intensity, it evokes allusions to fire, which is why red is so often its representative hue.

But temperature is not the only measure of its quality.

In the depths of a passionate encounter, a kiss is not just a kiss.

It’s a bullet on the lips.

A thrust is not just a forward movement.

It’s a collection of cells propelled towards each other with hunger.

But can you fake this passion? Well, to a point. We’ve all memories of times we’d really rather escape into the night than lie down with a stranger (these memories are all from my younger years spent trying to impress men after a few glasses of wine).

But today? Passion is hard to fabricate. And if you’re both feeling deliciously spent after a booking with your favourite companion, is that not genuine passion?

But how about personality? It’s true, we’re all on our best behaviour when we first encounter a stranger. We naturally want people to like us, so we shy away from displaying our less unsavoury traits.

But as you get older, you begin to truly know yourself…and for myself, begin to actually like that person.

Like many a woman in this industry, I’ve defined a living, breathing brand designed to appeal to a particular market. And although I can testify to being on my best behaviour when we meet, a fabricated personality is hard to maintain for hours on end. It’s unfulfilling and exhausting to play charades for a living.

So I don’t.

For myself, and likely many others, sex work isn’t merely a means to an end (although it can be, and that’s a perfectly good pursuit). It’s also a vehicle for self-discovery and fulfilment, allowing us as well as our clients to explore those aspects of our personality that we don’t parade around in public day to day.

In fact, you might say these concealed selves are more true to our authentic self, as they are identities we’ve consciously created.

And what of sexual energy? Can you fake an alignment with that power long enough to forego detection?

For one, I see my sexual energy as a source of creativity. I’m not special though – everyone from Carl Jung to the Kabbalah believe that sexual energy can be transformed into gold. 

Perhaps you’ve experienced a transformation of this energy? It's manifested as warmth below the belt, and once harnessed, transformed your demeanour to determined, self-assured and content. 

I’ve felt it too. When I’m feeling truly connected to my erotic self, I’m in my prime. I’m naturally more affectionate, physical, caring, compassionate, sociable, and generally feeling my best. I can focus, make decisions with ease, and solve problems a lot faster. And for some reason, I’m much more successful too, and I see this difference reflected in my bank account. 

I think it’s possible to fake an alignment with sexual energy, an act best performed on those not aware of its potency. But if you believe in the strength of sexual energy and its effect on your overall experience with a companion, you’ll agree that its power does not go undetected. But its absence does.

There’s no warmth. No fire in your belly. No sensual, full-body buzz.


Let’s get back to my original question: 

When is sex and intimacy less authentic, verging on the boundaries of mechanical and manufactured?

You can fake your natural breast size. You can fake your hair colour. You can fake the size of your lips.

But what can’t be fabricated is the unshakeable confidence, swagger and warmth of someone who genuinely loves sex, and wants others to experience this enthusiasm too.

You can feel it in your body, and it feels more true than any text message or email.

What is your body telling you?