Your body is a vessel, and other lessons from a year of companionship
It was July 2017, and I’d fallen down a surreptitious rabbit hole after meeting an escort. As a writer, I crave experiences, and wouldn’t this be the greatest adventure yet?
Over a year has passed since I blurted out my birth name to my first client ever, and enough thoughts percolate in my mind to form the contents of a book. And while I have many stories to tell, I’m a believer that most things in life are a lesson.
Events don’t merely happen to us without leaving an imprint. No, they mould us into complex adults and equip us with the dexterity to surmount future obstacles.
My experiences as a companion are no different, and have perhaps been some of the most informative of my adult life.
Here are just 10 from the trove of my mind.
Bear with me for another year, and I may just have found the meaning of life.
1. I LOVE rimming and prostate massage
Escorting has allowed me to explore and expand my sexuality. For those who enjoy a kinkier experience, you’ll be excited to know that I’m incredibly turned on by flipping you over and letting my tongue explore your delectable little derriere. Want to take it further? I also enjoy prostate massage. It’s strangely satisfying bringing a man to his edge and witnessing a powerful orgasm as Ipenetrate him.
2. The seed of authentic sex work is sown in a bed of authenticity
This was a sentiment expressed to me by an industry veteran, who spoke of the need to be your authentic self while masquerading as a creature of the night. It may sound somewhat counterintuitive to be yourself while practicing discretion, secrecy and creating a fantasy world.
But this fantasy needs to be grounded in a kernel of truth.
Here’s the thing: we all play a variety of roles in our day-to-day life, from partner, to parent, to employee, to friend, to aunty, etc. Although we orient ourselves depending on the context, it doesn’t make these aspects of ourselves any less real.
I’m often posed the question: “Is this the REAL you?” followed by a flurry of personal questions about my daily life.
While I’ll never answer some of these impositions, I can tell you that yes, you do see “the real me” in a booking. You see a side of me that possesses a genuine desire to connect, engage, entertain, inspire, arouse and delight…but this is just one part of me that contains multitudes.
When I’m with you, I share a side of me that adores affection and intimacy, because this is the exact context that allows me to explore this side of myself.
I’m different person when I’m stuck in the line at Coles, or when I’m on the phone to a relative. I’m different depending on my company, but I’m always real.
3. You will face parts of yourself you didn’t know existed
Sex work has forced me to come to terms with my shadow self. That’s those unsavoury traits that lay dormant until triggered by something external, like a poorly constructed text message or an ill-timed question.
I’d never considered myself a jealous person, often taking pride in my strong sense of self. But when you’re one blonde amongst thousands of other buxom goddesses, your insecure inner child comes to the fore. She mewls for attention, she overanalyses her aereolas, and she blames others for her internal state, rather than dealing with the issue at hand.
But this is a good thing, because when you face your shadow self, you learn to tend to your interior world with love and care, much like an overgrown garden. You prune and replant and water with empathy, and you work on your self-confidence and sense of worth.
And you become stronger.
4. Your body is a vessel for affection and care
I strove for over a decade to be the perfect weight. It was only when I started sex work that I began to see my body as a conduit for pleasure, and more like a channel for experiencing the world.
It’s not my body’s job to be the perfect weight or to be beautiful – it’s my body’s job to offer care, love, affection and attention, and to receive these as well. And the time spent fussing over your body can be better spent enjoying yourself.
5. Money doesn’t make you happy
Many wrongly assume that sex workers enter the industry to fund their drug habits, to pay off large debts, or to conceal some neglected daddy issues as they snap at the heels of married men for attention.
But here’s the thing: if you’re going to pursue a vocation, you have to follow through because you ENJOY it thoroughly. It’s not the money that makes my job worth it, although it does provide me with much stability, freedom and comfort.
I enjoy providing passion professionally, as I get an immense thrill out of keeping my clandestine little secret. I get excited thinking about going to brunch with friends the next day, having them ask what I did last night. With a sly grin on my face, I’ll recount an evening on the couch with my cats…when I was in fact entwined between two other slippery bodies. Or maybe I was helping someone get through a divorce, or perhaps I was someone’s birthday present. I like my wanton little world, and that’s what makes me happier than any dollar figure.
6. Sex workers are the best people
There’s a particular kind of client I encounter. They like to tell me what this industry is like, and how HARD it all is, as if I wouldn’t know myself, being a sex worker and all.
They warn me of the other girls, those CRAZY ones, who DO BAD THINGS.
In my time in this industry, I have not met a single CRAZY or BAD escort. I’ve met some who didn’t want to be my best friend right away, which I do feel a bit sore about, as I’m perhaps too enthusiastic with my attention and unsolicited hugs. I will live with their lack of reciprocation.
Yet I’ve never met anyone with ulterior motives. In fact, I would say sex workers are the most supportive, encouraging, beautiful, warm-hearted and smart people I’ve ever met.
So I’m sorry Mr. I Know Better Than You. Because you don’t.
7. I can SQUIRT
I’m wont to admit this, but yes, I can actually squirt. The experience is INTENSE and spectacularly MESSY!
However, many of my lovers aren’t sure how this particular mechanism works.
After having a lover rub my clit and asking why I wasn’t squirting, I’ve since taken squirting off my “list”. Requests to squirt on command often turn into science lessons, which just isn’t fun for anyone. I’m here to adorn your body with kisses and worship your cock – not discuss the Skenes glands.
FYI, rubbing my clit and expecting me to squirt is like me rubbing your elbow and wondering why you don’t have an erection.
Hence, it’s not on my list anymore.
8. Don’t get lip fillers the afternoon before a threesome
You will get duck lips that won’t go down for several days.
9. Fucking your friends takes your relationship to another level
How lucky am I to have beautiful friends who I get to fuck? This takes our intimacy and trust to dizzying new heights. When you both have no intention of a relationship with each other but merely seek to enhance everyone’s pleasure, you learn to strengthen trust, work as a team during doubles bookings, and thoroughly understand new dimensions of each other's personalities. Are they soft and relenting during sex? Do they take the reigns? What are they like behind closed doors? These provide key insights that most friends just aren't – unfortunately – privy to.
10. It’s about the journey, not the destination
If you’re merely seeking a quick release, you have your right (or left) hand to satisfy you round-the-clock.
If you’re seeking connection, chemistry and conversation, then you’ve come to the right place.
Seeing a companion is about feeling cared for and desired, experiencing human touch and having your erotic needs tended to by another person. You may orgasm once, you may orgasm twice, or you may never orgasm at all (bodies are fickle like that and there's no judgment in my boudoir). What matters is the experience that you have, and not necessarily hitting the goal post several times.
I'm by no means a sage, but sex work has taught me more about people than I could have imagined. I can't wait for my education to continue.