Top 10 Things To Never Say To An Escort
Imagine this: you’re entangled in the silky limbs of your lover. The conversation flows between gasps and caresses, and you feel like you’ve created an unprecedented connection both physically and mentally. Your connection knows no bounds, and a thought rolls off your tongue effortlessly. All of a sudden, the magic spell has been shattered. Your lover shifts away from you and the tension in the air is so thick you could carve out letters that spell AWKWARD.
Where did you go so utterly wrong?
You’ve committed a client blunder and really put your foot in your mouth.
Before we go any further, don’t beat yourself up.
When we’ve cultivated a connection with someone on such an intimate level, it can be hard to discern boundaries. After all, you’ve seen them naked, so why wouldn’t you be privy to more personal details?
Here’s the thing: the companion/client relationship comes with its own unique set of rules and boundaries. Some of them seem hypocritical, some of them may seem comical, but they’re all in place for a reason. To make matters even more confusing, what might be crossing boundaries for one companion might not be for another!
Having said that, there’s never any harm in erring on the side of caution.
So with that, here are the top 10 things to NEVER say to your lucky lover.
1. Do you have a boyfriend?
I ran a poll about this question recently in an attempt to gauge why gentlemen feel this is a necessary question. It’s ok to wonder about the enigmatic woman behind the Twitter account, but what people generally mean to ask is one of three things:
a) Are you emotionally available and could we turn this tryst into a relationship?
b) Do you feel as guilty as I do for having sex with someone else?
c) How on earth does your boyfriend LET you do this and doesn’t he see your value diminishes in accordance with the volume of sexual partners you accrue?
Whichever sentiment echoes yours best, it’s never the right question to ask your companion. What you both do outside of the boudoir is no one’s concern, and the experience is far more enjoyable when you’re present and focused on one another.
2. What’s your real name?
Companions choose a “stage name” for a variety of reasons, namely for privacy. If we used our government names, many of us would be disowned by our families, be denied future employment, accommodation and bank accounts. We’d open ourselves up to stalking and dangerous people. Choosing a stage name circumvents this risk by allowing us to be anonymous. It’s also a unique branding opportunity, as a good brand name can make or break a business.
We don’t disclose our “real names” because it’s none of your business. I’ve been asked this question before, and ignored future booking requests. MY privacy is more important to me than any dollar amount, as it is for many companions.
3. Can I get a face pic?
I know, I know. A blurred face can really ruin a beautiful image. I personally hate blurring my face and tarnishing my photographer’s work with such an eyesore. On top of that, it’s much easier to connect with images that contain faces. But blurring is a necessary evil. No, I don’t have three noses or a cleft lip. I don’t think I’m ugly either.
If I show my face in photos, I could get recognised by people I know, people who I don’t want to know that I’m a companion. Like my landlord. Or my ex boyfriend. Or my dad. Blurring my face also means I might be able to go to the US one day. Many countries, including the US, deport working ladies once they get to customs (not to mention, throwing them in a jail cell overnight). Why? Many places will deem what I do to be illegal. Even if you’re not there to work, they’ll assume you are, and send you back to where you came from. Although I wouldn’t work in a country where my work is illegal, I’d still like to take a holiday in these countries, and not face risk of arrest.
4. “I don’t like using condoms!”
Many gentlemen I see complain that they can’t perform while using a condom. This is generally because they’re used to having sex without one with a long-term partner. Suddenly having to use a condom can feel foreign and desensitising, resulting in loss of erection. Although condoms might feel uncomfortable for you at first, they’re the best way to prevent STIs and blood borne viruses, not to mention, pregnancy. There are plenty of condoms that are thin, strong and enhance sensation, and I encourage you to find one that you like!
5. “I saw your friend xyz and I don’t like her!”
Firstly, you’re not going to be blown away with bliss by each companion you see. Secondly, you’ve just insulted my friend, and therefore me. And now I don’t like YOU, and nobody’s going to have a good time.
6. “Some escorts are really crazy, right?”
Assertive, confident and sexually autonomous women. They must be bat shit crazy, right? Wrong. Toxic cultural discourse likes to pit women against each other. You can see it in the movies and on TV: the cliques and the conniving, catty behaviour that portrays women as shrieking banshies. I blame Heathers, and Jawbreaker, and every 90s movie.
I’m going to break it to you: it’s 2019 and women support each other. Some of my closest friends are in this industry, and I can’t imagine my days without them. True, I don’t like every companion I meet. But rather than thwarting their success with gossip and lies, I continue on with my life. And they do the same.
“But I heard that so and so did this to so and so, Amber! See! You lot really are raving mad!” True, there’s always going to be an outlier. But the jealous and mean escort is a rarity amongst the swathes of positive, happy and supportive escorts that I encounter.
7. “What’s your real job?”
For many companions, tending to the complex needs of their clients IS THEIR REAL JOB. It’s not a hobby – it’s how they pay their bills and their taxes. To negate the value of their profession as “not a real job” is insulting and demonstrates you don’t respect them nor their time. Of course, many escorts do have other jobs. But that’s not really your concern.
8. “All of my ex girlfriends are crazy.”
Sometimes your personal life will inevitably come up during conversation. But denigrating all the women you’ve dated to the crazy corner can be a real mood killer. Why would I care what your ex girlfriends are like? I wouldn’t bat a lash if she had green skin and three boobs. It also demonstrates that you don’t respect women and that you lack compassion for emotional complexity. Oh, they’re all crazy, as in mentally ill? I’m wondering why you’ve only dated people with severe mental illnesses now.
I mean, they can’t ALL be crazy. The common denominator is you, after all…
9. “I’d like one unrushed hour.”
An hour booking is an hour booking, no matter how you put it. As I cannot speed up time nor slow it down, an hour will always be an hour. If you feel an hour is rushed, perhaps you’d enjoy a more savoured affair? 90 mins is the sweet spot for many, and can mean the difference between hurrying and revelling in 90 mins of bliss.
10. “What’s the worst experience you’ve ever had?”
This exact question was asked of me by a young man in Perth last year, with no hint of concern, just curiosity and amusement. As if my life were some movie for his entertainment, complete with misogyny and crimes against women. While I’m lucky to have never been in any serious physical danger, many companions have feared for their lives. Asking this question retraumatises them, taking them back to memories they’d rather forget. Asking such a question will likely upset your companion, kill the mood, and quite likely end in tears. So just be compassionate, and don’t ask them about the unfortunate personalities they’ve had to encounter.
There are times in our lives where we all wish we could swallow back up the words that we spit out. But if you do find yourself struggling with a slippery tongue, the best thing you can do is apologise, and move forward with good intentions. We’re all human, after all.