What am I really like?
Asking an individual to show their true self is an exercise in charades. Ask me to ‘act natural’ and I will surely and self-consciously find myself flapping about in an attempt to discover mannerisms that feel authentic for me. If you were to ask me, I’m positive that my natural facial expression is to open my eyes in a come-hither smoulder, and smile softly like a Botticelli Angel hiding all the wanton secrets of mankind. If you were to ask the regular passer-by, they would spew out a litany of negative emotions – she looks stressed, confused, is that a snarl? Smile for me, baby.
I’m a pensive girl, that’s for sure.
But I was asked to write a post describing dimensions of my personality that would help to paint a more accurate picture of the girl behind the screen. And I will try, but all observations are made from a limited point of view. This is how I see me, from the inside-out.
I’ve written this post in a fragmented format for two reasons: to make it easier to digest, and also, I haven’t learned how to marry the fractured components of my identity in the flesh, and sure as hell don’t know how to on the page.
Morning time is my best time, especially when I’m swilling a cup of coffee well before the rest of the world has risen. I think this stems back to when I was 6 and religiously watched Sailor Moon at 630am. Because of this sunrise energy, I have enough stamina for vigorous morning sex ;)
Pre-caffeine, I’m not coherent. I’m a monster. I keep this monster hidden, because no one deserves a monster first thing in the morning. However, should you request to have me overnight, I suggest you formulate a plan to quell the monster in the morning, and provide me with copious amounts of caffeine. It’s for the good of the world, and our time together.
To expand upon my short-temper, a hungry Amber is not to be provoked. Provide her with ample sustenance – protein and healthy fats – and she will mellow. Or, keep her enraged. Angry sex can be a lot of fun.
As a friend, I’m incredibly loyal and attentive. I give honest advice, but I won’t coddle you or let you play the victim. This is not what a good friend does. I expect the same of my friends too. I pride myself on having very drama-free friendships, and have always found myself empowered by women, rather than threatened. I’ve spent a great deal of my life avoiding competitiveness, pettiness and cattiness, and intend to until the crematorium is scraping my ashes into an urn.
As a daughter, I feel my crown as Beloved Youngest Daughter should be revoked. I haven’t seen my parents in over a year, such is the nature of a work-a-holic. Despite their distance, I could make more of an effort. I certainly have the flexibility to do so, and could tour when in their city. It’s a capital city, so the demand is there. Yet, I don’t. I feel that the relationship between a child and parent is the most difficult of all, and fraught with love and care that is never returned in equal amount. I hope to be a mother some day, but the though of having a child like me scares me.
I’m very work focused, so much so that I don’t have a large group of friends, simply because I don’t have an abundance of time to dedicate to cultivating friendships with a wide circle. I have a few select friends I adore, and I invest my time in them exclusively. They understand that my work comes first, although, I can’t escape the guilt I feel when I miss lunch dates.
I LOVE dancing, and am considering hiring a male escort to take me out clubbing ;)
As a lover, I’m a switch, sitting comfortably atop my throne and just as easily being ravished. Treat me like a Queen, and I'll treat you like a King.
I prefer intimate moments rather than entertaining a large group of people, although can do both with equal flair. But I find one-on-one time more fulfilling, as you’re able to more completely form a connection, empathise and understand one another.
I’m not happy go-lucky. While I’m often told that I’m easy-going, bubbly and ‘very nice’, I do not find empowerment within positive quotes found on Pinterest, and often find optimism unproductive. I’d say I’m more of a Stoic, mentally preparing myself for the worst, so that when things go belly up, I can easily adapt and move on.
So there you have it. A top-level summary of my personality, that has a scale of truthiness that slides back and forth depending on who you speak to, and what day it is. I hope you found it valuable when deciding whether I’m the right companion for you.
Now, tell me who YOU are.